Will a Woman Grace the $20 Note?

(Funny Money Land – Fort Knocks & Notions – November 8, 2015)

A final decision as to who will replace Andrew Jackson on the twenty-dollar bill were whittled down to three this afternoon as committee upon committee made some difficult choices considering the number of nominations for the honor.

As the ink cleared Susan B. Anthony was nowhere to be seen. Instead a crack team of historians and bankers has named Grace Kelly, Harriet Tubman and Sacajawea as the finalists to replace Jackson, a murderer and extortionist without equal in the early days of the Piedmont frontier.

“It is high time we feature a woman on our currency,” said Norma Jingles, a currency expert at Dollars For Doughnuts, a shadow hedge fund administrator for the Ohio Valley.

“The late Robin Williams said it best,” continued Jingles. “He pulled out a one-dollar-bill and told the audience the face on it belonged to Barbara Bush, when in fact it was George Washington. How stodgy.”

In addition to the aforementioned three, top contenders had included Eleanor Roosevelt, Marilyn Monroe, Clara Barton, Katharine Hepburn, Pearl S. Buck, Emily Dickinson, Rosy the Riveter, Billy Holiday, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Kate Smith, Mother Jones, Jessica Rabbit, Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton, Georgia O’Keeffe and Cher.

Discussion continues tomorrow on who might replace two other undeserving bozos, Ulysses S. Grant and Andrew Hamilton on their respective bills. Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Franklin are grandfathered in and believed to be safe from the feminization of legal tender at this time.

A final verdict is expected Monday.