Google Acquires Yahoo, Amazon

(Hillbilly Heaven — Hootin’ Holler Times — December 11, 2015)

With the purchase of Yahoo this week, near-do-well Barney Google is now in firm control of the three of the largest Internet concerns on the planet. The new media/web baron, “with the Goo Goo Googly Eyes” had little comment on the takeovers saying only that the entire experience was “bodacious”.

Most of you out there in Readerland probably don’t remember Barney Google, a somewhat shiftless comic strip character obsessed with horse racing, poker and prizefights. Google first appeared on the sports page of the Chicago Herald & Examiner in 1919. He shared top billing with Snuffy Smith (pronounced Smif in Hootin’ Holler) in the comics for decades only to be overshadowed by Snuffy, Loweezy, Jughaid and Tater by the 50s.

Dining with Smith/Smif (a known chicken thief) and his beloved racehorse named Spark Plug Google could only smile at the developments raging around him. Thousands of employees to guide, millions of dollars on the table, brutal competition and newly unleashed power did not appear to faze him as he sipped tea with his favorites including his faithful nag, Spark Plug, who was given special dispensation to join the party a the often ostentatious Seneca Village Tavern in Manhattan’s Central Park.

Google will remain in New York long enough to sign papers and talk to bankers before returning to more comfortable environs of his Southern Appalachian hamlet in the Smokey Mountains.

“Balls of fire!” exclaimed Smith when told Google would invest 10% of all future earnings in corn licker enterprises, one of Snuffy’s fiscal pursuits. “Them revenooers ain’t gonna catch me this time. Now I’m bona fide.”

For further research see: The Google is a water monster that prowls gardens at night. A Google is also a very large number (usually associated with money or currency)