Climate change skeptics eaten by migrating polar bear

(Bangor, ME) A contingent of oil and gas executives, attending a rustic retreat at the prestigious Horseshoe Lodge in northern Maine, was last night attacked and eaten by marauding polar bears headed south to eat.

Due ridiculously warm temperatures in the Arctic the traditional menu for the giant white bears has diminished causing the migration. Polar bear are known to prefer younger prey since the meat is known to be more tender.

Let’s take a hypothetical control group, like the US House of Representatives, where denial for profits is the game. Are these fossil fuel legislators at risk too or was the recent Down Eastern carnage simply a coincidence?

“We don’t see a lot of polar bears around here,” said Ed Perkins, of nearby Beartown Falls. “The idea of the white monsters targeting climate change deniers seems a little far fetched even for us.”

Tourism has always been sketch here and civic leaders are playing down the polar bear incident.

“Those weren’t polar bear. They were Canadian liberals dressed up like polar bears,” one said.

By evening the bears were still on the loose. Law enforcement has been beefed up and, although nobody seems all that interested in meeting a bear up close. State animal authorities are armed with riot gear, tanks canon and a blueprint which calls for the cornering of the bruin intruders somewhere near the Canadian border.

“We don’t now how many polar bear are migrating, if they are organized or acting alone, as predictable instinct dictates,” said a local deputy. “We are attempting to determine where they will strike next so we can intercept them before further damage occurs.”

The diet of polar bears includes seal, walrus and fish. People have entered the food chain since they move slow and generate a lot of garbage that serves as a tasty appetizer when not frozen.

“If the bears eat everyone in the United States we will just have to pack it in and start over,” said another unreliable source.

– Fred Zeppelin

“China, India, entire subcontinents could be subdued with less firepower than it took to keep the Irish in place.” – The Eternal Irishman…