Lucky Summer Fun

(From “Please Don’t Slam the Tent Door and Other Tails”)

Pet Seminar Slated

Colorado Butane Society presents “It is a privilege to have a pet”, a seminar for irresponsible dog and cat owners. Ongoing. Every Tuesday night at the Little Chef Ballroom. Latest statistics indicate that Western Colorado dogs are among the 1% affluent canines group. Stats for cats were not available because none of the target felines returned the questionnaires.

Ouray on Gold Mine

Ouray is full of guano and thermal water. Guano can be mined and the water tapped. Why must we continue to pander to the Tourists from Mars in the summer? Why does Lake Ouray continually refuse to welcome major cruise lines? Why are the parking spaces on Main Street so damn skinny? Did one of our clever bureaucrats shrink them? Does he or she know something we don’t know about optimum use? Just remember the guano part.

Woodsman Eludes Forest Service for 67 Years

An unidentified man has come out of the forest after surviving there since 1947 on berries, nuts and an occasional squirrel. He entered the woods, at 23 to get away from society following the Second World War. Generally on the run from predators, real and imagined, the pine hermit grew hair all over his body and developed sharp teeth and claws with which to climb trees for food and safety. Why he chose this particular time to leave the woods is anyone’s guess since he appears cognizant and his health is excellent. Meanwhile in Manana, Colorado Division of Wildlife officials are trying to determine if the longtime recluse poached any game, left unattended fires or littered during his jungle tenure. The Civil Liabilities Union has promised to look into these accusations if they reach that status. The United States Forest Service is expected to seek retroactive fines.

Animals on the Move, Hungry Enough

Bear and lions are prowling about this time of the year. The bear are trying to gain weight so as to lie around on the couch until April while the lions are watching for an easy meal. That includes humans who do not respect nature and don’t quite grasp the food chain or pecker order in the Rockies. Joggers and bicyclists often resemble fleeing prey to a hungry cougar. Bears can smell your camp food all the way from Canada even if you cook it inside your camper or limit the culinary experience to a can of beans. In addition to the aroused appetites, both of these species are playing musical chairs with the limited cave and den space around these mountains, and that makes them cranky. – Uncle Pahgre

Next time: Loud Mouths in Camp Grounds