Federal Government Discovered

(Mt Vernon, VA  March 5,  2016)

Anthropologists near here have this month unearthed what many believe to be the mythical United States Government. This morning they chipped away at more evidence of the ancient site finding decayed chrome bumpers with election year stickers, roll upon roll of red tape and what appears to be an archaic shredding machine.

“We can’t just pull these relics out of the ground like a bull’s horns in July,” said Earl Allen MacAdoo, former bull rider now bankrolling the excavation. “We have to be careful. This is one-of-a-kind junk here.”

The scientists are convinced that they will find proof of a sand-swept political system that went away and was replaced by credit cards. Many feel that there are still remnants of this magnificent yet crude society still living in caves along the Ecuadorian Avenue of Volcanoes and, no surprise, in Nashville.

In Maryland anthropologists stumbled onto the ruins of the city that housed the centralized power entity. In most cases blue-lipped bureaucrats still sat overstuffed and snuggly at their neatly arranged desk while just outside filthy vagrants snarled at each other, sleeping on the subway grates (preserved for posterity) imbedded into the hard sidewalks of yesterday. Most of the gothic-extravagant architecture, unlike that in Berlin and Rome, was still standing, albeit 40 feet under the surface of the planet.

Teams began digging in the proximity of the Potomac and the Patuxent Rivers in 2120 after good taste dictated that a “seat of civilized government” once operated here. Although some of the more radical winged of this Seat cult suggest that the entire matter has been put to rest, in ancient tabloids we find countless parallels to this once great Capital.

– H L Menocken

“Get weal,” – Elmer Fudd