Barking Jingle Bells Dog Retires

(Crested Butte) The hound who for years has entertained hundreds with his rendition of barking Jingle Bells has retired and moved to Crested Butte. The carol, which can be heard over and over on mainstream radio during the holidays, was formatted in 1962 by a group of expatriate veterinarians allegedly looking to get back at society for cutting them out of the lucrative dog food market.

Back in the Sixties pet foods had not yet made up 30% of the GNP and the industry allowed upstarts to compete. Then, in just months, the giant conglomerates began to control the flow of kibble and cornered the market leaving people like the these angry veterinarians in the dog house.

The tune, barked in cords to the popular Jingle Bells, has been accepted as part of the Yuletide hype right along with Deck the Halls and Silent Night.

“We don’t appreciate crude animal sounds interrupting the flow of our holy Christmas,” said Rev. Phil Pharisee fondling his collection basket. “It’s irreverent at best. Besides, nobody in Bethlehem remembers Jingle Bells in the manger.”

Many holiday revelers say it is quite appropriate to have a dog barking Jingle Bells since there were lots of animals hanging out at the manger at the famous birth. Others say the whole concept of a Christian holiday was stolen from the Pagans who has celebrated the Solstice for thousands of years before the Catacombs.

The dog, named Sparky due to his obsession with fire trucks, will reside at an undisclosed duplex on Maroon Avenue between the fire house and the marshal’s office. Although is retirement is said to be ample he has already passed the Colorado real estate test and hopes to catch on with a local agency after the holidays.

He has promised to perform a holiday duet with either the Dali Lama or Dolly Parton whichever comes to town first. Other town dogs, craving attention at all times, were reluctant to comment on the celebrity dog’s arrival. Some concluded that he was a pampered mutt while others sized him up as an activist fighting against the present leash laws in the town. – Small Mouth Bess 

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