Were Adam and Eve Really Naked?

Inspiration with Rev. Phil Pharisee

“These things are so because I say they are so.”  – St. Roscoe of Orange

The question is often asked: Were Adam and Eve really naked in the Garden of Eden? Were they unclothed when the serpent arrived? According to the recently revamped Rich Man’s Bible, especially written for the wealthy among our congregation “nudity was not acceptable even though Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs”. Certainly the two first humans were not naked like the apes but were rather clothed in the vestments of the guiding light. When the serpent showed up it was Eve who took the apple all right but she did it in a tasteful, and demure, picnic dress. Later when Adam joined the show he ate his half of the apple fully covered in a formal waistcoat and spats, just like the ones worn on Sundays by Brother Phil here.

Persons who disagree with this prognosis are guilty of the grave sin of pride and will surely burn in hell. The only way to prevent this eternal damnation is to give now. Give big. Purge yourself by ridding your life of valuables and other false gods. You can keep the hard currency in our church safe over at the strip mall.

When we meet on that Golden Shore all of this will become clear. Right now we must persevere in that the secular element out there is attempting to separate church and state at the hip. And always, always remember as Dr Zeus said: Red State, blue state, new state, pew state…People in the blue states are atheistic Commies who don’t belong in our America, the America under God, who talks directly to You Know Who every night before bed.

Well, I hope I’ve cleared up the confusion. Keep the faith by joining me in today’s mantra: Creationists are proof that there is no evolution going on. Creationists are proof that there…”

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