Vulcan Homeland Proposed

(Iola-Cebolla Times – May 10, 2015

A final vote slated for next Friday in the State Senate will determine if and when a Vulcan Homeland will be established in Colorado Rockies. The Vulcans, longtime allies of the Federation, have been lobbying for their own piece of territory in Western Colorado since 1984 when they were driven from their native planet by the evil, disgusting Klingons (aka Clingons, not to be confused with Clintons).
Sites now being considered include Sapinero, Colorado (not the original town site which is under water) Grand Lake and McPhee Reservoir. The Vulcans, known as Water People since their great chief, Spock, retired, do not like the desert although Lake Powell is held as sacred.
“The Vulcans want to be within the confines of the Rockies yet far enough from the madding crowd to proliferate their culture,” said Dr. Gerard Antero, chair of the furniture department at Western State University in nearby Gunnison. “Assimilation is no easy task and most of us understand that. A pilot program here at WSCU aims at helping younger Vulcans stay off drugs and spacecraft until they have reached adulthood.”
Many here hope the rehabilitated teens will go on to study at Western and move to the suburbs after graduation.
“They made fun of my kid last year at Gunnison High because he has big ears even for a Vulcan,” said one parent who has been in limbo on the homeland issue since 2010. “They will sing a different tune come wrestling season.”
Despite bad roads, threats from the Clingons/Klingons, and last-minute social complications, the measure is expected to pass the House and Senate at warp speed. – Lt. “Betty” Uhura