“Trace” Defined by State Ski Concern

(Monarch Pass— December 12, 2014) The ski industry today has made further commitments to end abuses in daily snow reports by defining the term “trace”. In a bitter internal investigation, both the Brotherhood of Snow Makers and the Utah Defamation League have agreed to set standards for further use of this and other long employed lexicons.
“According to the present jargon, “trace” has been determined to be measurable accumulation over .016588 of an inch,” said Amanda Bumpe, a former French calendar model, turned telemarker after the Bosnian conflict. “That benchmark is easily determined by multiplying the current acceptable blood alcohol level for motorists by the number of skier days in a week. That figure,” she continued, “is then subject to at least eight percent tax and freeze dried according to rigid USDA requirements.”
A ski industry spokesman welcomed the determination, saying that it will help offset the cost of purchasing white gold from the Russian Black Market, which has a reputation for short cords. A major agreement is pending which would send a growing surplus of Colorado realtors to the former Soviet Union in return for snow futures.
“Anyone ignoring our criterion when estimating snowfall is nothing short of a damned liar,” said Bumpe.