Team Garbage Leaves Town

Principles at Team Garbage have allegedly absconded with two backhoes, a signature 5-speed Henway and assorted petty cash according to flies on the scene. The refuse collection package offered service to the elite wherein their garbage would be dropped in more desirable locations within the landfill schematic. Appealing to snobbishness and boredom the designer garbage industry would have to wait for now, as the wealthy concern themselves with regional consuming so as to create more local garbage.

We had interviewed one former client, known around here as simply “Ego”.

“They never came by the restaurant when they promised they would,” he said. “They would pull the garbage truck up into our parking lot at dinner hour and leave it idle,” he snorted. Their drivers would arrive unannounced demanding payment and helping themselves to the back bar while they glared at diners and waited  impatiently for their money,” he raged.

Team Trash says Ego owes them $450,000 for services rendered from 2020 – 2021.

“You don’t want your trash down the hole with the debris of the great unwashed do you?” asked the promotional leaflet circled heavily in Gunnison in 2020. “The fledgling company had offered preferred rendezvous pickup, valet parking, private refuse plots, Lucky Landfill Points, 24-hour observation, elite fly control and gated access. 

“I guess nobody in Gunnyville is ready for these kinds of class distinctions,” one owner had sobbed over Cattlemen’s Days last summer. 

“The rich may let us down from time to time but that group is still the best option for making a quick buck all along the stupid scale. You sure can’t count on the poor.” 

Business Update

In a last minute development Bigfoote Tofu and Tattoo has brought down the final curtain after a solid two months in business – According to a hastily scribbled note on the window: “Gunnison just wasn’t ready for our progressive services”

Public notice: Mystic Road to Salvation Unltd. will cease sponsorship of all cockfights and rely solely on electric vehicles to get back and forth to Eternal Life responsibilities in Paradise as of 2035. Rev Rooster.

“Batten down the hatches – Katy bar the door with a river view? Fisherman’s Wart Bar and Lounge has reopened. Our very casual to lewd Lush Hour is from 2 – 3 all day long! You’ll never drink on dry land again! Coming in June: Fisherman’s Wart Bar and Lounge Two, located directly across the river. Ask about our pontoon food wagons. And, hey, wanna slam a few for the bar ditch? We paid off the cops —so down the hatch!


“So it’s not hard to see where the MAGA right’s admiration for Putinism comes from. After all, Putin’s Russia is autocratic, brutal and homophobic, with a personality cult built around its ruler. What’s not to like?”  

– Paul Krugman, in NY Times

apology – We mistakenly referred to a local gin mill as the Fisherman’s Wart when it is actually the Fisherman’s Wharf. We apologize for this honest mistake and continue to assert that the typo had nothing to do with the outstanding advertising bill from the Fisherman establishment.

Filed Under: Soft News


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