Trump Not Elvis says DNA Test

(Mar-de-Lardo) Final DNA tests, denied as fake news by remaining insiders, prove that Donald Trump is not now and has never been Elvis Presley. Although the ex-President never made clear claims that he was Elvis, family members admitted that he had embraced the fantasy for decades.

“When Uncle Donald took a trip to Tupelo, Mississippi as part of a Ku Kux Klan camp in 1959 he imagined himself to be Presley,” said a distant cousin who has written a book on Trump.

“He saw that Elvis was the center of attention and therefore concluded that he must be the hip-swaying singer. It was all too clear to him.”

The recent DNA tests show no biological or ancestral link between Trump and Presley although hair styles maintain a slight resemblance. Even though Elvis sang an occasional gospel tune and Trump quoted the Christian Bible when it suited him, the study found both men to be “low spirited and agnostic.”

“They both adhered to religion only when it propped up their bank accounts,” added the cousin. “Their frightened followers ate it up.”

With this final appraisal the Presley estate now plans to file a lawsuit claiming copyright infringement and brand violation on the part of the defamed politician.

Supporters abandoning Trump say the Elvis fraud is far more serious than tax evasion and inciting a riot, two charges lingering in the Trump bubble. Some 88% says they would still vote for Trump/Elvis if he runs in 2024.

– Gabby Haze