Three Farcheezies Injured

(Montrose, Colorado – November 20, 2015)

Three of the four Flying Farcheezies were slightly injured when one end of their tight rope fell into the Black Canyon of Gunnison during a performance here. The Farcheezies, a Croatian high wire act with direct lineage to the Hapsburgs, were crossing the canyon on the said tight rope when the incident occurred. Guano Farcheezie, his brother Armando and sister Helena all suffered scrapes and bruises and were treated and released at St. Roscoe’s Memorial Clinic.

The mishap was reportedly provoked by the actions of an over-zealous Forest Service ranger who noticed that the high gymnasts had not paid camping fees in the park since May 2, 2010. After several attempts to locate the high wire artists she simply began dismantling their digs. Unfortunately the dismantling included the tight rope that was tied to a concrete picnic table.

The attentive ranger sustained minor injury as several chickens, roosting in Ms. Farcheezie’s hope chest, attacked her as she excited the encampment. The ranger, whose name was not given, will be awarded for her dedication to her country with a desk job in Salt Lake City.

The fortunate survivors told reporters that they were relieved that the story first broke in the San Juan Horseshoe since, like Saturday morning cartoons, it is rare that anyone is ever killed on one of that paper’s pages.

“If this were to have happened in one of the other papers we could have all been killed and/or our names misspelled,” crowed Armando Farcheezie.

The group will travel to the Bland Valley on Tuesday to perform on a local news broadcast there.
-Ripple Van Winkle

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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