THE SLOPE DOPE

By Estelle Marmotbreath

“If bingo required any reading comprehension

I would be home on Tuesday nights too.”

“It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to.” Lauren Boebert tracking indicates that cooler heads have prevailed within the sinking GOP bass boat here in the Rockies. A plot to remove her is already emerging: A serious looking blueprint rolled around three Havana cigars was found under a fermenting mulberry tree in western Garfield County detailing the planned coup. It does not give a date. Detractors say she sleeps with her pistol and they must take care to act only when she is awake.

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Cranberry Saucers held in contempt in a well-documented turkey caper are expected to be indicted tomorrow unless it snows. They are accused of detaining over 400 turkeys in November and December in hopes of selling them on an already overstuffed black market. Other counts against the saucers include littering, overcooking and betrayal of a person of trust.

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Local taxpayers are warned that chain tax preparation jobs are now often outsourced to India and the Philippines. If one brings his forms and receipts to what CPAs call “television tax preparers” there is a good chance the final return will have been prepared overseas. Although the forms are completed in English it is often difficult to ask questions and the payment up front policies are unnerving. Audits are a nightmare in that preparers in Asia are not likely to respond to IRS queries.

“Most of the time the IRS is in such a hurry to cash your check that it rarely examines returns anyway,” said a spokesman for One, Two Three Four – Buckle My Shoe Tax Agencies.

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“Marjorie Taylor Greene, who shouldn’t even be on the snack committee for the local peewee soccer league.”  –  Arizona Central