Hillary and Donald to Form New Government

Following closed door negotiations, the leading U.S. Presidential candidates, Donald “Big Elvis” Trump and Hillary “Monica” Clinton have agreed to dispense with elections and form a new virtual government headquartered in Branson, MO. According to speech writers, the couple plans a quasi-private nuptial ceremony sometime in early November. “Donald may seem to be an asshole but he’s rally cool once you get to know him,” said Clinton. “Hillary is everything I didn’t inherit,” said the former reality TV host.