Reporter Missing After Rum Commercial

(Port-of-Spain, Trinidad—December 12. 2014) Arbitrary tourist and heralded scribe, Mel Toole, is still listed as missing after a three-day filming of a local rum advertisement. The filming, which began Thursday, featured several Americans, including Toole, swilling large quantities of the local hooch under the tropical sun.
“After about thirty takes we noticed the talent was getting a bit weary,” said director Avery “Rock” Parvenu, who claims to have once worked with Oliver Stone. “Then Toole simply vanished.”
The missing subject, 119, still carries a legitimate Colorado driver’s license. It is feared that he may have rented a car and attempted to drive back home. Police are combing all Caribbean ports along the way.
“If he’s on his way home, he’s probably easy enough to detect since he always drives on the wrong side of the road,” said sister Belle Toole, who left her job at a Thornton slaughterhouse to rush to her brother’s relief.
“I don’t know how many times I’ve pleaded with him to stay in his trailer,” she whined.
Toole is a retired circus performer who, among other accomplishments, once ate thirty live chickens in less than an hour and later almost jumped the Black Canyon in a mini van.

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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