Ralphie to start at fullback against Utah
M. Toole | Nov 19, 2015 | Comments 0
(Boulder, CO Flatiron-No Starch News November 19, 2015)
The University of Colorado will feature a new face in the backfield when it dons its spikes to play a powerful University of Utah in Salt Lake Saturday.
The new guy, standing in behind the quarterback when the teams collide will be none other than Ralphie, the rough-and-tumble team mascot.
In actuality a bison, Ralphie has masqueraded as a buffalo for many seasons here. His familiar charge out onto the field before home games is a thrill to see, especially up close.
Utah 7 – 2 has knocked off Michigan, and trounced Oregon, while losing to Southern Cal and Arizona in Pac-12 competition in 2015. The Thanksgiving weekend bout promises to be a good one with Utah favored over an improved Colorado squad, that lost two close ones to UCLA and USC respectively.
Ralphie has never played organized football but he appears to have digested the complicated offensive playbook. First down – Hand the ball off to Ralphie who runs straight ahead. Second down – Run the option and give the ball to Ralphie who runs straight ahead. Third down – Run a reversal with Ralphie running the ball. Fourth down: Fake the field goal and give the ball to Ralphie who runs straight ahead. Pay dirt!
“Our biggest concern is that he doesn’t run over his own linemen,” said CU coach, Mike MacIntyre.
In addition to the running back role Ralphie will see expanded snaps at the nose guard position where he has learned the defensive signals in just a few days. Ralphie rush. Ralphie sack. Ralphie blitz.
“He won’t be worked into pass plays due to infamously bad hands, continued MacIntyre, “but he could be employed as a diversion along the line of scrimmage. He’s developed into an excellent blocking back.”
Team seamstresses needed three XXL jerseys sewed together and pants made from a protective stadium field cover at Folsom Field, to outfit the new player. Fans hope a dapper, well-dressed Ralphie will wear down opponents, then dazzle them with unprecedented speed and uncanny instinct as he gallops into the line and stampedes his way to the end zone. – Rocky Flats
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