Pagan Manger Wins Fruitcake Sculpture Prize

(Tin Pan Alley) The winner of the prestigious 2020 Fruitcake and Dry Wall Festival is Syd Fardt of Delta for his controversial pagan manger scene. The entire composition was made from fruitcake harvested from old barn walls all over Colorado and New Mexico.

The festival, thought to be a strictly a Christian event, decided to officially reach out to non-believers this year in an attempt to relieve their suffering as they march hand-in-glove through hell’s gates.

The normally popular celebration, which began way back in 2019, recorded slim crowds despite free soft drinks and discounted mutton sandwiches. After the show many attendees returned to their parked vehicles to find tins of fruitcake piled high in the backs of pickups, crammed into trailers and abandoned in unlocked cars.

“I even had sliced pieces stuck under my windshield wipers,” said one attendee.

Over in Pouting Gulch, convenience stores describe drowning in fruitcake after a snafu sent 24 semis full of the dessert for morning delivery to one remote location. That site sold 3 fruitcakes in 2019 and only 2 in 2018.

“We even put it out on racks in front of the store but no one steals it, even with the above-mentioned enticements,” said one employee.

Fardt, the winning sculptor, was awarded a partial scholarship to the electoral college of his choice for the next academic session.

– Suzie Compost