Classified

Looking for regular work from home? Why not try addressing historical injustices…? We need literate historians for our expanding Latin American office. Legible handwriting a plus as is neatness and clear view of right from wrong. Piece work. No investment required. No risk to you. We provide the stamps and envelopes too! Chronic denial could be a stumbling block in some cases but counseling is available. Taco Frontiers, El Paso.

Parting out what was once the GOP. 25% off Integrity, truth, leadership. Morality are on the cutting block all weekend. Two for one election officials. Cheap bald tires, broke odometer/low mileage, slightly cracked windshield, air-conditioning still works, mechanic’s manual signed by Ways and Means stalwarts, lots of extras unqualified to work anywhere else. Big Mitch’s Bargain Barn. First people in the door will be born again.

Will the red-haired woman I met on the banks of Gurly Ditch tell her brothers over at Bullfrog Reservoir that I was just a-funnin’ with you and that I don’t want to end up “face down in Terrible Creek”. Tell ‘em the part about where I saved you from a black bear and bought you ice tea on the way home. Thanks Samson Dwill, Sams Drop-off.

Organically Martian funerals – space shots with Stiffs to the Stars. Why rent a Hearse went you can buy your very own composting module?

In other developments heaven will use possession arrow in 2022. Jump balls at the Pearly Gates.

Bad Tuna Aftershave is now available in the easy open Bota Bag. Musick’s Cordials since before pantyhose and after breakfast bars.

Domestic militiamen needed now to protect us from ourselves. Apply at any Denny’s.

Know your own history or perish: Did the Black Plague, carried by fleas on rats, get a leg up because the Catholic Church considered cats to be satanic? Did the bishops encourage the faithful to kill them, thus dispensing with a natural enemy.