No Accident Roto-Rooter Ad Seen on Obituary Page

(Montrose, CO — Our Frightening Universe — November 25, 2015)

A seemingly innocuous ad that appeared in today’s Montrose Daily Press could be a coded message to outer space aliens operating in the Uncompahgre Valley.
The advertisement in question for Roto Rooter services which appeared at the bottom of the regular Obituary Page may have far reaching significance for the future of human life on the planet.

Although concern remains at the preliminary stages some analysts insist the message is quite clear: An invasion is slated for the serious shopping days of December!

Aliens like these may be placing plumbing ads in local papers prior to an all-out invasion of earth.

While most cool heads prefer to ignore the development as accidental or simply a coincidence a growing number of citizens has come forward complaining of alien intrusions in their daily lives.

“I couldn’t find my car after a shopping trip downtown and I’m almost sure that those creatures (extraterrestrials) moved it,” said Enya Tiremount. “Who else could it have been? I had the keys right here in my purse!”

“There have been marks on my lawn since October,” echoed Marchal Cherubinoff, of Pea Green. “At first I thought the cows had done it but now I’m not so sure. There was somebody sneaking around in my front yard late last night but the dogs didn’t make a peep. When I got up to see about the commotion, I thought I saw a spaceship lift off but it could have been the neighbor’s Christmas lights.”

According to Dr. Efram Pennywhistle, chairman of the Zodiac-Celestial School of Dance at Cal Polygamy Institute in Paonia, the specifically placed Roto Rooter ad was no chance incident.

“These extraterrestrials are quite sophisticated a hiding their memorandums from the public eye,” he stressed. “They sneak around placing thinly veiled, coded instructions in the most unlikely places throughout our infrastructures and disrupt our trusted cultural sources. They even relay their plans in our native language so as not to be discovered. Some appear disguised as actual Roto Rooter technicians. The make a mockery of our traditions. And they are too cheap to buy an proper ad.”

“I figure if I look at the obituary page and I’m not on it, it’s gonna be a good day all things considered,” laughed the trite Pennywhistle, “but this is an entirely different relationship to appraise. What could they be talking about? Have we finally pissed off the rest of the cosmos? What is he connection between Roto-Rooter and mortality?”

More on this as it unfolds. – Fred Zeppelin