IRS Founders’ Body Unclaimed at Sea

(Popeye Haven –January 21, 2016)

The carcass of the recognized architect of the American Taxing System (The Internal Revenue Service) remains at the bottom of the Andaman Sea this morning according to Thai pirates operating in the region.

The victim, not yet named by authorities fearing media blowback and possible hacking by malcontents, had reportedly been afloat since back on March 17 when it was tossed into a leaky rowboat and sent adrift from the foggy port Marseilles aimed at the land-locked desert of Ogden, Utah.

The pirates did not approach the tiny craft due to local superstitions but after a down-wind assessment determined the pathetic cargo.

IRS agents say they have no jurisdiction in Asia and must wait until the craft enters the waters of the Great Salt Lake before recovering their associate and towing his boat to safe harbor.

“He’ll make it all right but only after some hectic moments in the unforgiving waters of Nevada,” said one unreliable source here.

Commercial vessels, often pressed into service as rescue ships, have given wide berth to traditional sierra shipping lanes due to the fetid aroma of the distressed craft that could be smelled as far away as Boise this morning.

Out reader may recall that on March 16 an unidentified human was found dead in a rat-infested, unheated flat with an unencumbered, peripheral view of the murky Mediterranean. Along with the stiff were cans of unopened fish head soup, some rancid seaweed and soy-based, fortified gluten wafers and a bottle of half-consumed Baron Phillip de Rothschild Mouton-Cadet 1926. The flat’s television set was also on.

The San Juan Horseshoe is proud to have presented this exclusive story (ignored by frightened corporate media) and quite pleased to have milked so many inches of news copy from such a silly distraction.

– Small Mouth Bess