Peace Treaty with Bad Angels in Jeopardy

(Hell) An antediluvian agreement, allegedly signed in the primeval dust of angelic battle, has been destroyed by fire according to demonic sources here.

“It is a tragedy of epic proportions,” said a prepared statement from downstairs.

The loss of the original pact between Good and Evil leaves that classic truce hanging by its ears. It’s destruction casts doubt on the validity of contracts, grants and leases written and signed before or since it was reduced to Hadean ashes. It also puts the Two Eternal Powers toe to toe and could dictate a return to hostilities.

Heaven, hesitant to mobilize for fear of offending its most favored trading partner, has declared a nationalemergency so as to give attorneys time to respond or find a copy of the initial peace treaty.

Both sides have shared little, preferring to jockey for godly position, one eye on the saints and the other on the sinners. Meanwhile the entire salvation mechanism has broken down as bureaucrats ignore daily chores so as to more effectively measure adversaries on the power pole.

One celestial expert is quick to dismiss the crisis. “…rusty-saber wing flapping by a bunch of old-fart arch-angels that would be better off playing golf.”

“Good and Evil have been co-existing for so long that it is often hard to tell one from the other…like right and wrong,” she flinched. “They are comfortable together.”

Sociable scientists in Purgatory say the entire episode is politically motivated and that morale is particularly low in hell this time of the year.

“The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know, warns a Purgatorial proverb,” she quipped.

“By now the place must be overcrowded with sinners of all shapes and sizes. Seriously, I’ve heard the food ain’t half bad the service is inhumane.”

– Daddy Longlegs

Filed Under: Soft News


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