Impending garbage strike a boon for black bear

(Manana) A threatened garbage strike, coupled with unseasonably warm weather, could cause black bears to get out of bed long before fully embracing hibernation cycle.

Workers who have yet to set a date for the work stoppage are striking for higher wages and benefits they say were promised two years ago. The move is aimed at large garbage collection companies with the mom and pop trash companies falling through the cracks.

“We expect to be busy and to acquire some new clients, especially when the garbage builds up and they are forced to drive to the dump,” said the owner of Dupree Debris Rubbish, which first started picking up their neighbors’ refuse back in 1980.

Town officials hope to settle the matter before further action takes place. The local populace is mixed on how to react and who is to blame for the potential interruption of this basic service.

“It’s a health issue we’re talking about here,” said one garbage executive from his office somewhere on the East Coast. “These unions will be the scourges of us all. It is clear that outside agitators are at work, probably liberals.”

Many bear have reportedly been stockpiling crude primitive burglary tools for an all out assault on what could be overflowing garbage receptacles, crippled by the shear magnitude of it all. Talents honed during the long months of “hibernation” could leave militias and law enforcement vulnerable in the face of hungry bear.

The animals are just looking for a snack before bed,” said one biologist. “Frankly they may be doing us a favor dining in this peculiar manner. What else are we going to do with all the accumulating trash?”

– Suzie Compost

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