Durango Man Shoots Self in Foot

(Hermosa, CO – November 28, 2014) An unnamed man here admitted to shooting himself in the foot to avoid spring ski duty it was disclosed this morning. According to unreliable sources in the Reflective Service, Barney Barns fired a 22 pistol into what was his pinky toe at approximately seven minutes before the mountain was slated to open for the day.
Barns committed the personal atrocity alone and out of the way of fellow skiers. He was not cited for endangerment but only for discharging a weapon improperly and disturbing the peace.
The culprit was rushed to St Roscoe’s Animal Hospital near Mancos and is in remedial condition at bedtime. Attending physicians verified former reports that Barns, in a semi-conscious state of anxiety pledged to dodge spring skiing in any way possible, including shooting off his arms and legs if need be.
Authorities in this Southwestern Colorado burg, 118 miles south of Olathe, are concerned with the growing number of self-mutilations in response to overcrowding on the slopes this spring.
“We all know it’s no picnic up there. It’s a war zone with all those people on all those skis with their brains back at the condo. – Oral Waters