Cigarette Tax Would Fund Firing Squads

(Lake City — October 20, 2015) A proposed cigarette tax would help defer the cost of providing regional firing squads, according to anti-smoking advocate Senator Oral Noise. The honorable politician made this statement while hunting turkey in Hinsdale County yesterday.

Most of the revenue collected through taxation would go directly to the squads,” said Noise, “with about 40 percent easily gobbled up by administrative cost. We feel that this plan earmarks the funds for one specific purpose and does not place the money in a cookie jar/pork barrel accessed by too many little fingers.”

Noise did not comment on the further disbursement of taxes, saying that he would wait until after a special election to elaborate on the matter.

Firing squads are employed by law enforcement agencies across the state. Due to the traditional blindfold option the morbid last minute ritual has the been associated with smoking for centuries.

“We don’t know how the public will react to this gesture,” smiled the senator, “or who might benefit from the suggested reapportionment.