CB SKI DOME APPROVED BY COMMISSIONERS

(Crested Butte) Construction of the nation’s first Ski Dome is slated to begin in April according to unreliable sources here. Last night’s blanket approval of the expansion by Gunnison County Commissioners was the last stumbling block in what has been a five-year effort secure a permit for the dome.

Over the past few seasons lift ticket prices have increased substantially while improvements have hardly kept pace. Critics of the ski industry, pointing to lucrative use of public property in the ski/real estate formula, say the Department of the Interior should implement lift ticket control like rent control and other programs operating around the country at present.

“The dome will represent these elusive improvements that ski barons keep talking about,” said Melvin Toole, a retired bumpmeister from Pitkin. “Now when people ask why tickets cost so much the lift operators can simply point at the dome.”

Sources at CBMR say the dome, which will cost 3 million dollars to build, will save thousands in snow making expenses and discourage melting due to climate controls turned on at night. The filters imbedded in the ceiling will allow just the right kind of sun into the picture while blocking out the dangerous rays. Skiers can expect perfect conditions every day and plans to operate the lifts 24-hours a day are in the works.

“Wind, blizzards, flat light and frigid temperatures will be a thing of the past,” said Billy Bub Bo Benchmark, a ski area spokesman who courted anonymity. “It will be a lot like going to the mall or skiing on a video game.”

Already local merchants have been invited to place large advertisements on the inner walls of the dome and native trees have been replaced with plastic varieties. The astro-turf arrives Friday.

“The retractable roof lets snow in while keeping many of the negative elements out,” said Benchmark. Three new hotels are planned and a 100-acre parking area has been purchased from the Rocky Mountain Biological Weapons facility at Gothic.”

Construction is expected to be completed by the Fourth of July, unless it snows.

“Now they won’t even have to lie about last night’s accumulations anymore,” said Toole.

“This is fun and exciting,” said Benchmark. “We just hope nobody runs into a wall.” – Suzie Compost