125 years ago today 1889

Today in History — December 27, 2014

First urinalysis tests conducted on hostile Jicarilla Apache in the Chiricahuas. Balanced Budget jokes bring down the house at Washington’s Ford Theater. First Rush Hour established in New York City. Onions in use as aphrodisiacs in Colorado mining camps. Karl Marx releases Duck Soup, a frank social commentary on eroticism before and after the Russian Revolution. Ernst von Bergmann first utilizes steam to press his favorite boxer shorts. The toddler Ty Cobb accidentally spikes his pediatrician during a routine office exam. Vice President Levi Morton threatens to quit the Harrison Administration when offered a barker position at the Paris World’s Fair Exposition. He is placated when Benjamin Harrison sends him as official US envoy to the dedication of the Eiffel Tower a few weeks later.

125 years from today

Convicts that have been serving hard time for failing to choose a long distance telephone company released from Attica Prison. Hippie Surplus stores expanding in franchise market. Rockies take over first place after stellar relief pitching performances completely stymie the competition. Solar energy prices level off at the pump in time for Labor Day Weekend. Miners working under Ernesto “La Cabra” DeGregorio, discover endless veins of pure surface asphalt at Montrose. Synthetic rocket fuel is in great demand with the exit of earthlings from a choked, toxic planet. Last known industrial polluters executed by firing squad. Jimmy Dean linked to illegal sausage operations dating back to 2003. United States falls behind Honduras, Bangladesh and Sudan in quality of high school education. Fudd-Lite commercial filmed at Gothic, Colorado.