Warning To All Lobbysists

(Washington DC   Pitchfork Press  September 20, 2015)

At approximately 9:43 pm on October 31, 2015 we will begin seizing all lobbyists operating within the confines of our nation’s capital, the City of Washington DC. These parasites will then be escorted to Virginia or Maryland, dropped off on the side of the road, and prohibited from returning to Washington for any reason at any time.

Laptops and cell phones belonging to trespassing/offending lobbyists will be confiscated after this date. Anyone who has engaged in the fiscal manipulation of elected officials in the past two years will be will be detained indefinitely.

No special consideration for holders of permits/invitations will be honored. Letters of reference from Congressmen or unelected federal officials will be discarded, the holder most likely facing Spartan incarceration. We see the Congress as a willing participant in these sleazy dealings that bilk the people.

Lobbyists caught engaging in outright bribery after Nov 1 will face public execution, as will corporate representatives thought to be operating in a paperless or clandestine manner. If the situation improves we will refrain from further violent solutions to rampant greed. Anyone aiding this clearly criminal element in our society or failing to comply with our long overdue action will be neutralized.

For the human victims of corporate piracy.
The Pitchfork Party of America