Useful Real Estate Terms

(Blair Street – Front Porch Tattler  –  Eureka, CO  –  February 10, 2015) Acknowledged socialite, Roberta “Rickey” Rifebottom, executive director/researcher for the Western Slope Yard of the Month Club has compiled a glossary of real estate terms that she says will assist potential homebuyers in finding the right property or accommodation.
Noting that “different terms have different meanings in different parts of the country” Rifebottom suggests that it is advisable to familiarize oneself with the language before setting off to deal with the often-cynical natives.
The following is a sample of some leading definitions that might serve as a primer for Western Colorado buyers. A complete pamphlet is due out in November.
Secluded: Your only neighbors are people deemed unfit to live in any one of the neighboring communities.
Rustic: The rural electric association was never notified that a house was built on the property.
Winterized: Six feet of wet snow on the roof in June and two gallons of anti-freeze in the toilet tank come January.
Close to schools: Teachers, custodians and 16-year-old ninth-graders park in your driveway during the day while football and basketball fans park in your yard at night.
Ranch setting: Forty-year-old rusty barbwire surrounds the property to keep out the neighbor’s animals.
Underground utilities: Swimming pools, gardens and sandboxes without footers are prohibited.
Owner financing: Local banks are out of cash.
Southern exposure: The neighbors are descendants of Confederate Army officers. – Ernie Rigarde

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