Tarzan, Cheetah Arrested at Old Growth Sit-In

(Grand Mesa Gazette and Advertiser – September 22, 2015)

The recognized “King of the Apes” and his monkey sidekick spent the night in Delta County Jail after an altercation with security forces near Lost Lake, the site of contested lumber activity.

The confrontation occurred as a group of “militant tree huggers” attempted to divert heavy equipment destined for the cutting ground.
In a prepared statement a tearful Tarzan remained defiant.

“Hey, Cheetah and I have a vested interest in trees. We’ve lived in the jungle forever without lumber companies upsetting the fragile eco-system. Monitored harvesting of local lumber is one thing while air pollution and propaganda is something else altogether.”

Tarzan has threatened to “call out the elephants” if the situation does not improve by the weekend.

“It’s these kinds of threats that got these whackos thrown in the slammer in the first place,” said one county enforcer, “that and the skimpy loincloth.

“These malcontents must learn to follow the rules here and petition the courts in a proper manner,” said the source. “Money talks – Nobody walks,” he smiled.
The two celebrities are currently incarcerated at a halfway house for primates and political prisoners at a secret location between Cummings Gulch and Peach Valley. – Manco Copac

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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