All Entries Tagged With: "Ouray"
Semana Santa in the Colombian Mountains
Just returned from watching a Mr. Bean film in the corner cafe. I had planned a nice sancocho* but Mario closed El Oro for Saturday night bingo. Not a lot of other options.
Semana Santa looms on Monday. All weekend Filandia paints and bangs while waiting for the invasion of day trippers and assorted gobbler throngs that dropped the money for a hotel room. The townsfolk seemed startled by the visitors, and most were just from nearby Armenia and Pereira. They all appear uncomfortable. They often stare.
These overnight revelers were the ones who were doing most of the drinking and yelling early on. The locals came later and made their own noise. I headed home at eleven to a smiles and few handshakes on the path to the door.
It is a well-known fact young Colombian waitresses in small towns are deathly afraid of grandpa gringos like me because they are afraid we won’t be able to talk.
“But señorita, there is no English spoken here. If I don’t speak Castillano how do you think I survive?”
Soon, after a little chit-chat I order in Spanish she realizes that it (I) speak the language and communication will not be a problem. Then it’s all suave.
One must realize that as a Norte Americano he is not another predator landing in this culture. You must be a friend. Smiles speak volumes. Kindness reaches out. Kennedy half dollars make excellent tips.
You should be generous. Don’t bother these people with your shit. They have plenty of their own to deal with day to day.
But it’s all so beautiful in so many ways — the forests, the weather, the palms, the hot springs, the volcanos, the green mountains, the rain, the steaming riverbanks. A powerful culture still reigns despite the intrusions of the 21st Century.
While others debate building walls and throw more religion in these tired faces, my Vietnam Vet and ex-Colorado buddy buys Christmas chickens for poor people and spends time in backwater and dangerous locales providing medicine and transportation to the far way hospitals. He quietly walks the walk. He goes about his business without fanfare, without expectation. He changes lives while most of us sit on our thumbs shaking our privileged heads at the desperation that is all around. He’d no doubt be mad at me if he know I wrote about him. More tomorrow.
* sancocho is a three-potato based soup or steak that can contain chicken or fish but most often beef.
Evolution Peaked in 1972 Says Doc
(Globe, AZ — Desert Desalinate — March 23, 2016)
Human evolution is at a frightening standstill according to vintage archeologists digging out here in the stinking desert. Conjecture suggests that the process of environmental adaptation ended in 1972 wit the onset of chronic air and water pollution and the delivery of the population bomb.
“The human body has made no noticeable/effective physical changes so as to better cope with atmospheric disasters,” said a highly touted source on life, as we know it.
“Man has fallen on his fat primitive face when it comes to solving social ills,” chimed in another scientist who begged anonymity fearing reprisals by creationists camped across the arroyo.
“The inability of religion and science to coexist when it comes to human origin is the microcosm for failure of the social order,” said the first digger. “This is a strong indication that the species is clogged up at the base.”
– Fred Zeppelin
CB-Telluride Parking Marathon Slated
(Crested Butte, CO — Park Tomorrow For Tonight — March 22, 2016)
The long awaited Crested Butte-Telluride Winter Parking Marathon is just a few days away with over 1000 contestants still trying to qualify for the final heat and the big payoff.
Already three persons are a lock here with two spots still up for grabs on the San Miguel County team.
The Marathon, donned The Park-Off by local participants, will pit the finest parallel parkers in the land in a three-day, non-stop parking competition. Here’s how she works:
Day One: Telluride drivers will be airlifted above Mt. Crested Butte where they will descend via parachute to Riverbend (just south of CB) far below. Immediately upon touch down surviving participants will scurry to their vehicles and begin looking for a place to park on Elk Avenue. Sanctioned areas include the main street as well as the first blocks of 2nd and 3rd Streets.
Simultaneously the drivers from Crested Butte will be whisked into Telluride by limo. The objective here is a duplication of the action in Gunnison County. Colorado Avenue, Fir Street and Pine are all designed as Official Parking Zones. Meters and many bothersome street people have been pulled for the event.
“While we realize that the three-day time limit could be seen as stringent but we can’t tie up traffic for more than the weekend in either locale,” said former Telluride resident Randy Sublett, “but one must remember that these are some of the best parkers in the world.”
“Our people are primed for this,” said Mark Reaman, Sublett’s counterpart in Crested Butte. “We have even replaced doors with hood ornaments for better visibility.”
The rules are simple yet confining: No saving parking spaces and no collisions with other cars. Persons who hog two spaces will be disqualified. Idling is illegal. Cutting of flatlanders is OK. Parking in bus or fire zone is OK unless one is caught.
Last year the slopes were all but empty during the Parking Marathon lending credence to beliefs that the public is ready for a more varied approach to spectator sports and that diversification could be the panacea to the fumbling ski industry.
– Fred Zeppelin
Bus Politicians Says Noise
(Washington DC — Chamber Pot Calling — March 20, 2016)
A controversial bill before the House of Reprehensions could result in many legislators hitting the road. Bill 2016, sponsored by brothers Oral (Fizzy Party-CO) and Rectal noise (Unitarian-CA) calls for drastic house cleaning, including forced bussing of lawmakers and strict adherence to the weekly budgets imposed by a cross-section of single mothers.
“Everyone agrees that bussing was a ridiculous attempt at disparity that ignored the human factor,” said one Noise brother. Chiming in, Rectal agreed saying that over 35 senators and congressmen still on the job were the mindless architects of the plan to relocate students by bussing them all over hell.
If passed, the bill would require all members of Congress to travel at least 5000 miles per year outside the Millionaire’s Boys Club into harsh urban and rural realities of America. To facilitate smooth movement the congressmen would be bussed into poor neighborhoods and housed in federal projects. In addition they would be required to survive on the budget of a single mother living within these confines.
Following the development more congressmen would be bussed to middle class neighborhoods and be forced to live on the budget of these tragic, working poor.
“We hope that the exposure to real Americans and their daily struggles might allow our leaders to stop all the juvenile campaigning and cultivate some compassion.
Opponents of the bill threatened to filibuster until concessions are made. Most favor a watered down plan to limit forays into crime infested regions and pockets of poverty.
“We hate to see that kind of thing, especially before lunch,” stressed one fat, wrinkled incumbent.
– Zorro DesPlants
