St. Roscoe’s Adds Jungle Medicine Whiz

(Mañana) The physicians and surgeons at St Roscoe Memorial Hospital today welcomed Dr. Hex LooDioux to the staff  of specialists at the institution. LooDioux, from Brazil by way of Sierra Leone will oversee the experimental medicine wing as well as man the emergency room fetish desk on weekends. His education at some of the finest medical schools in Europe was accentuated by three years practicing Candomble’ orthopedics in Salvador and another residency in the remote forests of Borneo studying the effects of pharmaceuticals on the love life of the Dayak fruit bat.

“Dr LooDioux comes well pedigreed,” said Dr. Good-Saint, former AMA poster boy and Director of Medical operations at St Roscoe’s. “His research in primitive medicine and folk cures is equalled only by his exploratory senses and surgical skills. Plus he plays golf.”

Hoping to play down his longtime embrace of Vodun (West African Voodoo), Loodioux has mastered fly fishing and coaches Little League baseball. He has recently joined the hospital bingo league and the local Baptist church. He has limited daily chanting to the early morning and replaced the statue of Mami Wata at the entrance of his office with one of Hippocrates.

Says LooDioux, “According to Yoruba Mythology people who pay for medical services with chickens or goats run the risk of their children being born with facial features resembling these animals.”

While an intern at a private hospital in Dakar, LooDioux upset the local hospital hierarchy by prescribing rum and cigars to most of his patients and performing spells on the sick in their homes saving them the expense and discomfort of a hospital stay.

LooDioux is the third cousin of Prince Elmo Zaribbe of Nigeria, a staunch ally of the U.S. “just so long as the checks clear”. He is said to have 112 wives and over 300 children none of whom have accompanied him to his new post in the Rockies. – Manual Flushe