Speed Limit Increased on Mountain Passes

From The Gold Creek Erotic and Collector
(Parlin, Colorado – May 25, 2015)

An across the board speed limit increase is now in effect for all Colorado mountain passes. Policy makers in Denver have decided to raise the per hour velocity after studying time-distance charts posted on the walls in the C-DOT men’s room this morning.
The heavy-handed Front Range contingent feels very strongly that “nobody should be allowed to spend that much time going nowhere.”
The mountain routes that will soon see 75 miles per hour are Engineer, Kebler, Cinnamon, Ophir, Ohio, Corkscrew, Pearl, Black Bear, Juanita, Imogene, Owl Creek, Cottonwood, Schofield and Cumberland Passes.
Speed limits of 65 will remain for drivers on Mosquito, Marshall, McClure and Paradise Divide.
“We figure we’ve done everything else to lure these jeep enthusiasts and other motorists to Colorado so we just as well let them loose on the passes,” said one legislator. “Certain natural confines are in play that may result in dire circumstances for those who don’t respect the conditions up there, especially at night.”
In other business the Colorado House voted to fine all RV operators who do not possess a chauffeurs license and denied other motorists the right to fire on slow moving vehicles holding up more than 10 vehicles in a row. Jeepsters are asked to leave their cash and credit cards down in town in case of a serious accident or disappearance. – Sergio Jingles