Smart Phones Could Cost $3000 Per Month by 2019

Would they then be Dumb Phones?

(Appleton WI) Popular Smart Phone models and varied plans are certain to impact the pocketbooks of consumers in the coming year due to new tariffs imposed on Chinese goods coming into the United States.

This dystopian nightmare for most telephone users is not expected to be confirmed after Christmas, but communications experts warn that there is no wiggle room due to strict export fees imposed by the White House. In short, they say, the cost of making a phone call will go up dramatically leaving cell phone addicts holding the bag.

“We may see less neurotic fidgeting and fewer mindless texts out there is cyber space,” said a spokesman at Apple, “but we don’t expect to see a return to telephone booths, at least for the time being.”

Chinese officials had no comment on the matter explaining that everything was right in their corner until the Trumpian trade wars began in earnest last summer. Whether or not the Asian nation will cut off exports, like it did with fish sticks and collapsible umbrellas earlier this fall, is not clear. Some fear dog food and Christmas lights could be on the chopping block before long.

“It’s all exploding like Chinese fireworks,” said Carlos Chan, Director of Yangtze Sneakers and T-Shirts in Shanghai. “Fear and reactionary politics due to a measly $375 billion trade deficit.”

In response to the continuing tariffs multi-nationals have called for a revolutionary surcharge on Twitter Accounts employed by public officials. Insiders say the numbers herein could stretch into the millions.

– Fred Zeppelin