Senior Toole Approaching Tierra del Fuego

(El Bolson, Argentina Hielo y Mas Hielo December 9, 2015)

Former high wire great and often arrogant daredevil, Melvin Toole, is reportedly within 400 km, roughly 250 miles, of South America’s southern termination point at Tierra del Fuego.

The oft-thought foolish Toole, 96, as almost everyone knows by now, is orchestrating the world’s longest, as well as the highest altitude hot air balloon journey. Leaving from Dead Horse, Alaska in May he has successfully traversed the Rockies and a good chunk of the Andes on his windy sojourn. He hopes to set a slew of records which this newspaper will undress when he lands.
Due in part to a hasty departure supplies began running short before the balloon was really off he ground.

Aerial photo of the ground (somewhere in Patagonia) from 38,000 feet

“We ran out of water somewhere over eastern Montana,” explained the pilot. “Hey, I was pretty exited. This is my first solo (flight). I’ll pay closer attention next time.”

If there is a next time Toole says he will confine his take-offs and landings to vacant lots, golf corpses and waste dumps preferring to stay a little closer to home.

“It’s the running that gets to me,” he said. “The takeoff requires that I achieve a minimal ground speed before I leap. My knees are shot and I don’t have the torque I had when I was 80.”

When asked in a grounded interview why he would risk his life, forego creature comforts and expose himself to the elements it such a stark manner he smiled.

“The adventure of it – firmly entrenched in our popular culture! The quest to conquer! The thrill of taming the wilderness! The view, plus Im bored watering the garden and chopping firewood. That’s pretty much all they’d let me do around this assisted living prison.”

Large crowds, comprised of adoring females, have formed to cheer Toole in his balloon.

Then one day Toole jumped in his 1939 Studebaker Champion and whisked to the local Balloon World where he bought the largest and brightest balloon they had on the lot. The gear came with a five minute instruction video that was in Italian.

The dashing aviator/pilot, wearing little more than a Calais scarf and storm Bergenstocks, escaped from Happy Face Rest Home in April and avoided the authorities until he launched himself in May.

“I want to swim with the seals and dine with the penguins,” he nodded. “but I’m getting ahead of myself here since I haven’t really landed yet.”

– Paula Parvenue