Scientists Discover Four New Species at Nuclear Site

(Richland, WA) Biologists here have found several new species of plants and insects while exploring parts of the government’s Hanford nuclear reservation that had been off limits since 1945.

“We are very exited. It may be the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience something unique in our otherwise workaday world,” said botanist Katy Betz of Bellingham.

The new plant was discovered when botanists noticed bladder pods, which usually bloom in May, blooming in July and August. This particular plant was 75 feet tall with silver hairs, yellow flowers and an insatiable appetite for the small fury creatures (also unique to modern science) that roam the facility’s floor.

The new insects, numbering two distinct species themselves, were once members of the leaf cutting group but are now much larger. They feed on plant juices and the blood of carnivores. They look a bit like cicadas on steroids.

The other insects seem quite afraid of them,” said Betz.

“And people are worried about the safety of our nuclear programs,” she laughed.

– Dinty Moore