Payment to reach billions Mexican government settles with West End

(Nucla) The Mexican government has agreed to pay West End residents over 3.2 billion dollars in retribution for war atrocities allegedly committed in 1847, during in what the victors longingly refer to as the Mexican War.

Although short-lived, the conflict was over by early 1848, the war saw the United States gain more than 525,000 square miles of new territory. It also saw some of the most brutal atrocities ever committed on American soil, unless you count behaviors aimed at the First Americans, African slavery, the labor wars, the wild buffalo, and Manifest Destiny.

In June 1847 a contingent of Mexican cavalry crossed the San Miguel River near Redvale and headed west toward Naturita. Militias stationed in the Twin Cities had no prior warning and scurried to protect the uranium fields from the coming assault. Alas, it was too late and as dusk settled on the first day of the battle the Mexican cavalry had occupied the uranium mines and downtown Naturita to boot.

“It was ugly…what happened then,” said a 162-year old retired General who was just a boy during the war. “The Mexican troops forced the local citizenry to gather up all the tequila and turn it over to the provost marshal. Then they held the men at gun point while the women were forced to cook green chili and chorizo through the night and into the next day. All this with that Mariachi music blasting and the festive south-of-the-border decorations hanging off every cedar tree.”

The boy, later commissioned as a three-star general, escaped from the melee and warned General Winfield Scott of the shortages his troops might face if they ever visited the Paradox Valley. For this he was presented the Victorian Cross and given a poorly-built dream house in Telluride.

Meanwhile the debauchery continued with the Mexican soldiers chowing down and the women cleaning up. Sparse looting also occurred according to eyeball witnesses. The town was a wreck with chairs turned over, tablecloths stained with salsa and even a lamp or two smashed. Herds of sheep were scattered or worse.

In 1870, following the American Civil War the residents and descendants of these victims filed suit against the Republic of Mexico for damages. Included were accusations that the Mexicans still held much of the uranium and that several residents experienced stomach disorder and gas from the feast. The women filed a separate suit claiming harassment in that they were forced to clean up the mess.

“The settlement might have been minimal had the Mexican government acted right away,” said General Kashmir Horseshoe, once the young man who had witnessed the atrocities. “However some 150 years later the interest alone has to be calculated in the billions.”

Today, due in part to the Mexican government’s desire to remain on the good side of the Obama Administration, residents of Nucla and Naturita are perched at the business end of a hearty windfall. Experts estimate that every living occupant in the Twin Cities will receive 1.2 million dollars before the end of 2014.

“You’ll be seeing a lot more of those fancy double-wides around here,” said Horseshoe who only yesterday moved out of his tin castle and into a ante Belgium mimosa-lined ski chalet overlooking fashionable Hopkins Field. ” – Melvin Toole