NORTH DAKOTA EYEBALLS SOUTH

(Bismarck)  First it was the Yankees, then the North Koreans, then Ho Chi Minh. Now it’s North Dakota, which continues to hold provocative military exercises along the Missouri River near the border of the two states.

The increasingly belligerent tone, sent down from Fargo industrial spheres, calculates that North Dakota covets massive granite and limestone deposits in the South and would think nothing of a little jingoistic adventure to secure the wealth.

The only calculated resources in the impoverished reaches of North Korea are oil and gold.

“How many times have we witnessed the northern neighbor attacking its southern counterpart?” asked a noted political scientist at the now defunct Yankton College in South Dakota. “The prescribed reason, whether valid, concocted or based on methodical animosities is often a menacing charade in which people are lost and possessions are broken.”

Sources in Fargo insist that the entire confrontation has been precipitated by weapons research allegedly being conducted miles underground near Spearfish.

“If thy are perfecting missiles they could aim them at us so we had better smash them first,” said General Worthington Bulbous, a retired Merchant Marine captain who, having lost his fascination with the sea settled here and has ascended the ranks of the Pea Party during these days of saber rattling and verbal skirmishes.

The jackleg government of the United States, which claims sovereignty over both Dakotas appears to be have caught with its integrative pants down. That federal palliator has been mute on the issue thus far despite pleas from both sides for help with reconciliation.

“It’s simple enough,” said the Yankton double-dome. “The semi-industrial totalitarian North seeks to unify the Dakotas into one entity, annexing the free-wheeling, bucolic South, gobbling up the cultural mores that make it distinct in the national tableau.”

To complicate the issue Canadian Mounties have been massing along the international border hoping to prevent imperious jaunts from spilling over into Saskatchewan and Manitoba and threatening the lucrative natural gas puckworks in Winnipeg. – Tommy Middlefinger