Obama waxes favorably in polls

(Gunnison —  January 20, 2015) President Obama’s approval rating skyrocketed today according to the latest Gallup Poll conducted in remote, untouched communities. The strict scientific survey asked 300 remaining American survivors of last week’s nuclear war if they thought Obama had done a good job in light of the marginal destruction of mankind. Further probes clearly indicate that the upsurge in popularity was linked to a direct hit on Lenin’s Tomb in Red Square. The bold move came in retaliation for the dreadful Russian bombing of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.
“Decisive, manly action is what we need in the foreign policy sector,” said General Karl Worthington Bulbous of Pentagon-Exxon. “All this planning and coordinating is a waste of time. Our great President Ronald Reagan never paid attention to restraint, and, although his only victory came in Grenada. Republicans remember him as a great warrior President, presumably because of the way he played soldiers in the movies.
With an inconceivable approval rating of 98% Obama has declared an end to opinion polls in this country and has arrested the 2% that still don’t like him. With the substantially smaller population base in the country, federal pollsters will now be able to interview everyone personally and avoid errors that have plagued the practice since Napoleon.
– Professor Peter Boyd