NORWOOD BEACHES OFF LIMITS

Wright’s Mesa True Wave – July 10, 2015, 2015
Officials in Western San Miguel County have ordered the closure of four popular beaches Saturday morning after lifeguards sighted several sharks in the vicinity.
There was neither further explanation nor information as to the reopening in time for the summer holidays. Critics say the sharks are harmless and that the termination of beach services will all but cripple the spindly-legged economy based on sweatshop ceramics, leaf art, exotic livestock and the bi-sexual Gildaberry harvests in August and November.
Former mayor and post office jockey, Oral Noise, is hopping mad because he has nothing else to do.
“Do you really think those tourists come up here to look at the mountains? They come here to sit in the sand, not play net games with the political football. Our elected legislators forget that no one, including themselves and yours truly, is paying the least bit of attention to all of this drivel.”
Oceanographers studying the micro-issue here restated long-held theories that the imposing Disappointment- Redvale Current and the little known Cape of Norwood reef would dry up and decompose “at about the same time California reconnects with the North American continent, somewhere near Lake Tahoe.”
They go on.
“While we realize that we have detractors and others within our own ranks that question the validity of our research in disposed species and natural anomalies such as palm trees in Cork and penguins in Uruguay,” said
one scientist, “we also warn that any shark capable of travel through California, Nevada, and Utah in order to harass bathers here had ought to be taken seriously.”
Noise disagrees saying that Colorado has plenty of tourists and not that many beaches or sharks.
“We need to get our priorities straight,” he said.
– Ronald Reggae

“Opium is the television of the 21st Century.” – Merle Sparks