Motorists Warned of Underwear Check Stations
M. Toole | Sep 16, 2015 | Comments 0
(Moab, UT The Clashing Fashions Review – September 10, 2015)
As hard to believe as it might be, especially considering more pressing matters, the state of Utah has installed secret safety roadside checkpoints to assure that all motorists and passengers are wearing skivvies when they arrive in the Beehive State.
Won’t this be fun.
The roadblocks are camouflaged as anything from a nuclear plant to a lemonade stand and have been propped up by security forces and the National Guard. They can be found at logistical redoubts from Vernal to St. George and at all major border crossings. The posts often operate during morning hours at one locale then move to another spot for the evening rush hour.
Although residents of Utah are not expected to be examined with the fine toothcomb that awaits tourists and visitors, they too must adhere to strict regulations with regards to underwear.
“We don’t care if these moral midgets wear roller skates and lampshades over their heads as long as they are wearing underpants while they are here,” said an unreliable source at the county level.
Persons caught without the proper interior gear will be fined and could be incarcerated for aggravated cases.
“Generally anyone who is taken into custody can arrange for underwear to be sent to the jail, say they are sorry, pay a small fine and go on their way,” added the source. “We aren’t looking to create an international incident here. We just want to keep Utah hygienic and good by enforcing the morals and ethics of this righteous land.”
Anyone heading west into Utah is urged to stop and purchase a contraband map/timetable that outlines this colossal undertaking. Available at the Colorado Department of Tourism, these handy guides are a must for treks into the unknown. Travelers coming east from Utah are eligible for free coffee and counseling at the many refugee camps that dot the Colorado River Basin.
Take heed. These people are serious. Many of our kinsmen have crossed over never to be heard from again!
“I may not know what I like but I know a lot about art.”
– Rahsaan Larry Kleenex
Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder
