IRS Never Sold Willie’s First Pigtail

(Cahone, CO — March 31 , 2016)

The Internal Revenue Service announced today that it has Willie Nelson’s ponytail in a secret bank vault. The disclosure, putting to rest rumors that the taxing agency had sold he singer’s hair along with his assets in 1990, ends a lengthy legacy of court battles and seizures all in the name of drug enforcement.

Willie Nelson forfeited property and paid fines due to tax evasion and marijuana abuse in the 70s and 80s in Jefferson County. In addition the IRS liquidated a country club in Texas and a recording studio in Summit County. It was surmised that the IRS had sold the pigtail to the highest bidder.

“They got $7500 for Clark Gabel’s pompadour and that was back in the good ol’ days when $100 meant something,” said a spokesman for Nelson.

“Willie owed Uncle Sam about 16 million and we figured the ponytail was fiscally irrelevant.”

Nelson has reportedly grown another pigtail, purchased another ranch, another country club and is now cultivating grass legally on the sunny slopes of the Centennial State.

– Marlena Marvelous 

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