First cell phone implant at Mao Clinic

The first-ever surgical cellphone implant procedure has been completed with doctors and hospital officials here calling it a great success. The controversial methods employed are still under review although the patient seems to be up and moving around.
The modus operandi involves making a small incision near the eyelid and installing the software. After that phase is completed the cellular device is loaded from the back of the skull where another cut is made along the tissue seams and under the hairline.

“The process may cause some lingering pain and adventures in vertigo but for the most part we are pleased with early detections and pre-op discoveries, Said Dr. Phillip Lackluster of Mao Clinic. “Sure the surgery is exploratory but what isn’t these days? I’ll tell you, when it was over, I felt like Superman coming out of the phone booth,” he said alluding to tele- communicative ancient history.

Already three of the nation’s largest communications companies have offered unlimited minutes if the still unidentified recipient will endorse their product. It was not clear what type of plan might be constructed or what other arrangements will be necessary to create a strong signal while expanding the calling area.

Lackluster then told The Horseshoe that convenience appears to have won out over natural health.

“It’s all a bit messy at this stage but we hope to improve our skills as we go,” explained the surgon. “The demand for this medical procedure is growing as we speak. Our test case may feel a little nausea and some cramping for a few weeks but it is unlikely that he will miss any phone calls.”

– Tommy Middlefinger