Dr. Ben Carson surgically separates 50 staff positions 

But actually puts 100 people on unemployment. 

Confused? So are we.

While other media outlets have been satisfied reporting the apparently true fact that 50 staff positions have been cut in the Carson presidential campaign, San Juan Horseshoe needed new stories. So we did a little (very little) digging. What we found bears no relationship to the rest of this story.

Dr. Carson has been known to act and think in “mavricky” kinds of ways (grain stored in pyramids) and as the campaign season has worn on and on and on its been good for a few laughs. Is this just one more contextually frightening oddity from the world’s greatest and most loved-by-Jesus Neurosurgeon and US Presidential contender?

Made up sources within the Carson campaign have been partially and poorly overheard saying that because “quirky old Dr. Carson prefers his own made up math system to those of the rest of the intelligent world”, (reminiscent of his old neurosurgery practice where one “position” – hopefully – equals two “individuals”), the actual number of people let go from the Carson Campaign is 100.  Shocking, especially to shop teachers.

This is all likely untrue but if it was true, it would be insignificant yet creepy. What do all the experts say?

“Well, cutting 100 people from a Campaign is different than cutting 50 people,” said SJH contributing expert Icahn Kounte.

Further detailed but entirely unreliable information coming out of the Carson campaign indicates those who were let go in the dramatic Campaign slim-down were “the loud ones and those prone to quick, jerky movements. Dr. Carson doesn’t like that.”

More later as facts are created.

– Lina Backer