Dow Operative Loses 18 Elk in Poker Game
M. Toole | Oct 07, 2015 | Comments 0
(Gunnison — Beyond Sage Hens — October 7, 2015)
A veteran Division of Wildlife officer has reportedly lost 18 Colorado elk in a high-stakes poker game concluded early this morning. Details of the illegal transaction were sketchy although wildlife officials confirmed that the elk are missing as of lunch hour.
“It wasn’t planned this way,” gulped DOW suspect John Doe, who, in addition to losing the elk dropped another $600 on the table. “How did I know that Utah boy had a queen underneath?”
The current location of the hijacked herd animals is not known although police believe they are in the custody of a skinny cowboy from Jackson, Wyoming, who now makes his home in the Bee Hive State.
“He won the money and the elk hands down said a shattered Doe, who has been suspended indefinitely from his rock grooming position with the state.
Red-faced DOW bosses remained poker-faced when the embarrassing but hilarious story hit the wires. They have reportedly locked down all operations normally conducted this time of the year and are conducting mandatory urine analysis on anyone caught out in the woods after dark. The tests are meant to determine if other employees are chemically dependent on games of chance.
“I don’t know about all this ruckus over a few head of lousy elk,” cried an angry Doe. “It was just a friendly neighborhood game. I’ll probably win the elk back next Saturday night.”
One DOW bigwig told The Horseshoe that he would have preferred the losses had come in April and not October.
“The springtime is the season when they would be least missed. I’ve got 200,000 hunters arriving next month to harvest elk. What if I’m 18 animals short?”
Conjecture over at Red’s Barber Shop, often the bottom line on matters of culture and national security suggested that the feds were improperly uptight due to plans to move elk and deer herds to DOW headquarters in Denver where officials there can keep a better eye of their wards.
Doe has until the weekend to return the elk or face criminal charges in addition to his curt dismissal. – Kashmir Horseshoe
Filed Under: Featured Peeks
