Cure for hangover not found

(Bangor) The long sought after cure for the all too common hangover has once again eluded medical workers here at Down East Sanitarium. The mood is somber with many once hopeful staff members having given up.
“Our research is desperate and intense,” said one nurse, sipping on a wine cooler.
Most doctors are quick to agree that the once royal treatment, coded for centuries as “the hair of the dog”, will simply have to do until the antidote can be perfected. Methodology under consideration by the New England Journal of Medicine involves large quantities of baking soda being injected into the victim and energy drink enemas, which are still under extreme scrutiny at this time.
Other “recipes” of note include iced prune packs, oregano tea, skunk cabbage seeds and purges with swamp water. Despite the tasty temptation Tabasco sauce popsicles and diluted Liquid Plumber offer no relief and may cause other complications.
Many physicians claim that hearty exercise could relieve the symptoms of dehydration and lack of deep sleep. Others, however, prescribe an afternoon on the couch with low light and no loud noises.
The United Nations currently spends about $54 million on hangover research quarterly, with that number expected to double by 2018.
“One thing is for certain,” quipped a pudgy doctor as he sipped a cold beer, “whoever discovers the key will become a very rich person. I just hope it’s me. Now, if you don’t mind, I must get back to my testing.”
– Flora Pandora

“Many a man has fallen in love with a woman in light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by.” – Maurice Chevalier