Cowboy Final Exam

Colorado City  Cowpuncher Shavings & Student Loans  March 4,  2016

(The following is a copy of the final exam administered to potential graduates of the Dinty Moore Cowpuncher College here in Spit Basin. Feel free to test your savvy by answering all questions in the allotted eight seconds. There are four sections: Grammar, History, Science & Math and Reading Retention. No sense spouting anymore chin music. Get to going!

Proper Use of English Grammar
1.) Is it proper to say Hoss or Horse?
2.) Which is correct? He looked like he’d been weaned on a pickle or he looked as if he’d bean weaned on a pickle?
3.) Which is correct? She had a nose in which one could store a small dog or She had a nose one could store a small dog in?
4.) Identify the subject and predicate in the following sentence: Skinny Al sat there, surrounded by egg crates and sheets of insulation, grinnin’ like Old Mister Weasel, peeking’ through the hen house door.
Western History
1.) Which of the following men is widely known as a great artist of the American West?
a. Fredrick the Great
b. Fredrick Remington
c. Fredrick of Hollywood
d. Fredrick the Freeloader
2.) What Black and white western featured Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Lee Marvin and Andy Devine?
3.) Were Hoss and Adam Cartwright really brothers? What about Hop Sing?
4.) Was Doc Holiday arrested while sitting in the first base box seats at Wrigley Field in 1909?
Science and Math
1.) If you carried 15 feet of baling wire, two boxes of three-penny nails, two sets of leather gloves and three rolls of barb wire how many miles of fence could you build before lunch? How many excuses would you need not to return to work after a lazy, post-meal snooze?
2.) If a cowpuncher of the 1880s earned two dollars a day and a cowboy today is paid $10 per hour, who will become a millionaire first.
3. The physical law that most completely defines the concept behind irrigation is:
a. Newton’s law of Gravity
b. The Pythagorean theorem
c. Robert’s Rules of Order
d. Murphy’s Law
e. All of them
4. How cold is a knot at the North Pole?
General Knowledge
1. The most popular name chosen by North American cowboys for their horse is:
a. Bronco
b. Kitty
c. Spot
d. Sundance
e. Chester
2. Cowboy translated literally means…?
3. How did the wagon masters convince the tribes to ride in circles around the pioneer’s Conestogas while shooters picked them off, like carnival ducks, from under the cover of the wagons? (5000 words or less).
4. Is petit chien really translated as land bass in French? Can it be served with chives, cream and butter sauce and white wine?
5. Bonus Question: If the Hindus in India don’t eat meat why are they going to all the trouble to raise cattle?
ANSWERS IN THE STARS