City Imports Exotic Pigeons

(Montrose — Feb 25, 2015) The present junta and the secretary for Economic Development don’t agree on much but they agree that Montrose needs more pigeons. Already these entities have purchased a skeleton crop of the birds from St Louis, Cincinnati and Philadelphia that will be used to breed a healthy flock of rare Jacobin Fancy Pigeons.
Further purchases must be approved by the city council and at press time all are aboard on this venture.
“We had planned to acquire only the most exotic pigeons such as the Blue Crowned Pigeon, the African Olive Pigeon and the Black Banded Dove but our budget fell short,” said Junior T. Reich, a spokesman for the city. “Imagine birds of this genre wandering our streets. What a tourist draw. They don’t even have anything like this in Grand Junction!”
The birds are expected to arrive by air on Friday and be released at the Pavilion. Residents are urged to come out and observe this wondrous sight.
“This should give us a little more clout with Denver,” said Reich. “Everyone knows only important, big cities have pigeons in them.”
Although the Pigeon Decision has been whisked past the voters, most elected officials are in favor of the move. Conflicts of interest have emerged since one commissioner sells umbrellas, a councilperson maintains a peanut vending cart and another creates outdoor sculptures.
“So what if these people benefit from the pigeon population?” asked Reich. “That’s how government and commerce can be mutually supportive. The presence of these birds will create jobs in the cleanup sector too.”
The city plans to use funds earmarked for new access roads to relieve the bottlenecks due to the burgeoning population. Proponents say that progress
is just around the corner and the pigeons will help herald in a solid, economic future for residents and visitors alike.
“Do pigeons attract malls or do malls attract pigeons?” laughed Reich. “Who knows? The little critters are clean enough and do not carry serious diseases that we know of. They have been lambasted for too long as windshield bombers and statue decorators.”
Many people here see the birds as a source of food even though the city has promised to “come down hard” on pigeon poachers. Classified as bird clade Colombidae, the species includes over 300 types of pigeon and dove and firms up the food chain for such predators are peregrine falcons, eagles and a variety of hawks that fly these skies.
Overall reaction here is stunted with one camp asking why the extinct dodo was not included and the other asking why the city does not do more to beef up the diminished pheasant flocks and elusive wild turkeys to freely roam the back streets and alleys of what was once a heavenly small town. – Jim Crow