City, hospital teaming up on sleep disorder syndrome

(Montrose) The City of Montrose and Montrose Memorial Hospital will cooperate in an experimental procedure linking council meetings with outpatient therapy. Starting this week, clients of the hospital, suffering from sleep disorders, will begin keeping minutes at the city’s legislative sessions in the hopes that the action will put them to sleep.

Attendance will be mandatory for all receiving treatment.

“Who knows,” said one source, “maybe some of these tired novices will run for elected office themselves someday thus completing the cosmic circle.”

Officials at both the city and the hospital hope that this move will relieve symptoms of the illness while researchers search for a cure. If this doesn’t work patients may be forced to watch Rockies’ games on television through the summer.

Anyone wishing to join in this flowering marriage between health and politics is invited to attend, however space is limited and guests are reminded that there is no eating or drinking in council chambers until after the meeting is concluded.

-Pepper Salte

“You have no history here. You barely have geography.”  – unnamed resident to newcomer considering a run for town council seat after two months living here. (overheard at the Ridgway Post Office Ballroom).