All Entries in the "Lifestyles at Risk" Category
Sales of Ukrainian flags surge as Archangels reportedly seen in Kiev
(Warsaw) People all over the globe are clamoring for Ukrainian blue and yellow flags, representing the country they firmly support in its defense against Putin’s sociopathic attacks on her people.
Sales are off charts and the flags can already be seen draped and hung from Switzerland to Singapore. PUTIN HAS BECOME TOXIC reads one headline Russia a
In a virtual scene that some associate with Scripture people have reported seeing a band of Archangels fighting alongside Ukrainian troops. These sightings have yet to be confirmed by sources inside Ukraine.
Meanwhile brainwashed supporters of the war don red MRGA caps and confront demonstrators in Moscow. Police have arrested thousands of anti-Putin Russians sine the war began on Thursday.
In the us Putin supporters have been quiet. Are they finally ashamed of their behavior and their paper demagogues?
For more oil this please turn to God Sanctions Lucifer and the Dark Angels threatening two turn the newly formed nation of Hell into a pariah state for the ages.
Ski Patrol Called Up
(Crested Butte) The Crested Butte Mountain Ski Patrol has been called up for active military duty in Ukraine. The entire contingent, along with medical and information staffs, will ship out on Thursday.
The blitzkrieg departure was orchestrated by local Republican supporters of the former Trump Administration, who, as things work out, will be staying home, and a federal government that does not favor long, drawn-out good-byes. The news was received last night by shocked patrol members and their families who had no idea the group was at risk.
According to a ski area spokesman the call up is a result of small print in the annual ski patrol contract linking that team to the local Natural Guard. Medical training and physical conditioning inherent to the position has made the ski patrol and obvious choice for action.
“Technically they are reservists and since we don’t have a draft we must turn to these kinds of paramilitary entities to fight our battles,” said Supreme Commander General Worthington Bulbous, of the Curecanti Sector, who will also be staying home. “With those brave men and women over seas we will continue to fight the war against the bad guys from here.”
The ski patrol will be replaced by members of the Homeland Security Agency, even though many of these newly hired feds cannot ski. At press time a plan has emerged which would employ temporary guard towers, barb wire and punitive measures at the base to keep the peace on the slopes.
The next time I sign something I’ll read the small print,” said one ski patrol member. “I wouldn’t mind being shipped off to the Caribbean or to some other exotic spot,” she said, “but the Ukraine in the winter? I don’t think so.”
A citizen’s action group has filed suit to delay the departure until someone in Washington comes to his senses.
In a related piece Congress is considering legislation that would put non-registered voters in the 18-26 age at the top of a list of potential draft picks, if forced induction makes a comeback. The legislators feel that if someone in that age bracket does not care about the issues or bother to vote, they are less likely to put up much resistance to induction.
Other paramilitary groups such as Bozar and the Crested Butte and Mt Crested Butte Town Councils are currently being considered for inclusion in the plan.
“Some of these kids prowling Elk Avenue would make fine soldiers,” said Bulbous, especially the snowboarders.”
– Rocky Flats
Inside Your Issue
Local Health Inspector Hit by Gravy Train
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in Law and Order
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in National Clips
Ipods and Pacemakers
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Colorado Springs Ascends into Heaven
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in Untouchable Lifestyles
Special: Micro-managing Tropical Fish
Plus a ridiculous helping of realities to eat,
drink, fall from and be afraid to approach.
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Three Farcheezies Injured
(Montrose) Three of the four Flying Farcheezies were slightly injured when one end of their tight rope fell into the Black Canyon of Gunnison during a performance here. The Farcheezies, a Croatian high wire act with direct lineage to the Hapsburgs, were crossing the canyon on the said tight rope when the incident occurred. Guano Farcheezie, his brother Armando and sister Helena all suffered scrapes and bruises and were cheated and released at St. Roscoe’s Memorial Clinic.
The mishap was reportedly provoked by the actions of an over-zealous Forest Service ranger who noticed that the high gymnasts had not paid camping fees in the park since May 2. After several attempts to locate the Farcheezies she simply began dismantling their digs. Unfortunately the dismantling included the tight rope which was tied to a concrete picnic table. The ranger sustained minor injury as several chickens, roosting in Ms. Farcheezie’s hope chest, attacked her as she excited the encampment. The ranger, whose name was not given will be awarded for her dedication to her country with an administrative position in Green River.
Three members of the Four Farcheezies reaching out back in 2021
The Farcheezies told reporters that they were relieved that the story first broke in the San Juan Horseshoe since, like Saturday morning cartoons, it is rare that anyone is ever killed on one of that paper’s pages.
“If this were to have happened in one of the other papers we could have all been killed and/or our names misspelled,” crowed Armando Farcheezie.
The Farcheezies will travel to the Bland Valley on Tuesday to perform on a local news broadcast there.
-Ripple Van Winkle
Birds, Buses, Bars and a Basilica
Fresh Chismoso from Jardin, in Colombia’s Zona Cafetera
Wandering onto the panela park, pre-moonlight, watching the sun in retreat, a crusty old pastel star tonight, pink in the clouds and full of itself. Masked streets, faces lit up – plaza gawking — the cultivated art of doing nothing.
There sits Jorge, in front of La Tampa, a man who once drank 38 cups of coffee in one day, then just like that he quit the stuff. His wife said it made him jumpy. Now he walks the streets singing Tango and eating papaya.
Later my neighbor, who runs cows along the stone path to town was feeding bananas to his brahmas yesterday…and they couldn’t get enough. I’d never seen that. These bovines are treated very gently and do not shy away from a pet on the nose. So far he has not detected any desire on the part of the animals to swing from trees.
They all probably find foreign visitors here rather amusing, and why not? Many of the younger visitors cram 10 to a small hostel dormitory for less than ten dollars a night, buy an empanada, then spend thirty dollars drinking. No small accomplishment where two shots of anejo rum and two beers sets you back about five dollars.
There are not many gringos here since the town has only recently graced the world’s shallow compendia. The ones that do show up are generally seasoned even if hand signals are their major Spanish component.
On Sundays the campesinos that work the coffee fincas come to town. They are loud boozers with bad music blasting in the cantinas, but no altercations. One such worker asked me in English where I was going one day and I told him I was headed to church to pray for him. The next time he saw me he parroted my phrase, only he said he was going to church to play for me. I got the concept.
High up above town, at nearly 8000 feet, the Reserva de Orchideas beckons. Mangos and rain accentuate the green scene. Palms perch mixed with pine trees, monkeys, eagles, sloths, bears and pumas. These are joined by thousands of birds and a vast assortment of other mammals. Wild waterfalls abound along jungle paths and mountain vistas.
This afternoon I heard tell of a young man who wore so much cologne that his mother here in Jardin knew exactly when he left work in Andes on the bus (30 minutes away) and when she could start dinner. Tonight, he’s having chicharron with avocados, rice and fried plantains.
And if that doesn’t float your arepa, this morning the local loco ate all of the bananas I hung on the patio’s iron grillwork last night. When I gave him a bill for the fruit he said he would not pay since I taught his cats to understand English and undermined his feline authority.
He’s crazy but not stupid. What he doesn’t realize is that they are mad for cheese and olives.
-Miguel Manypenny
