Hordes expected for Spring Colors Week in April

(Lake City) Surging mobs are expected for the first ever Spring Colors observation, according to rogue elements of the local chamber of commerce. The celebration will center in but not be restricted to Hinsdale County.  

A brainchild, hatched by well intentioned marketing wizards who shall remain blameless, as well as nameless, evolves from a desire to draw monied visitors to the San Juans at a slow time of the year.

 “The thing is there are not really any colors to speak of but they hear the name Colorado and they pack the car,” laughed one longtime contractor. “You have your evergreens and usually snow and with blue skies and sunsets the concept is valid enough to exploit, if only on a trial basis.

Asphalt-Only Escorted color tours are offered to Ouray, Saguache, Creede and other hard-to-spell and/or pronounce locales. Several eateries including Lake City Cafe, Packers, Climb and Mom’s Fly & Bait have announced an extension of seasonal hours to accommodate warm and cold-blooded diners alike.

Just Say No To Colorado, an anti-development (and probably communist) faction has filed complaints targeting the move. 

“You invite chaos,” it suggests, “only to inject a few tourist dollars into seasonably sluggish economy that surely exhibits the stark dexterity of a once-spry octogenarian crossing an angel hair tightrope in velcro irrigation boots. We have photos of brown. We have photos in black and white.”

As of this morning it was not clear if pro-spring colors groups would petition their adversaries to reconsider their position on the event or simply to go jump in the lake. 

-Pepper Salte

“In Spain the dead are more alive than in any other country in the world.” 

– Federico Garcia Lorca